The light.

Creative people have to be fed from the divine source. I have to get fed.  I had to get filled up in order to pour out.
Johnny Cash

I should be ready for it.  It happens every year.  Every year I photograph my heart and soul out from generally about May-September.  Weddings, families... non stop action.  This year was March-October so I really, really shouldn't have been surprised.  But, I was.  I crashed.  Pretty hard.  The after wedding season crash.  Done. Out.  Nothing left.  {don't worry creatives are always a tad bit dramatic about the creative process}  For me it looks like... not really wanting to leave the house a whole lot {at all}.  Junking things out.  {finally dealing with the insane mountain of laundry that used to look like our bedroom}.  I just get tired.  I want to watch tv, gap out, zone out, indulgently lay in bed with the kids.  I don't typically even want to look at my camera gear.  I don't want to sit at my computer.  I just want to go to yoga, sleep in, hug my kids.  I haven't felt like sharing, speaking, posting on social media... I just wanted to hide out.  Tuck away.  Regroup.  Until today.  Suddenly the sun was shining and I had my camera in my hand and found myself in the light.  Inspired.  I had no idea where I was going... but I just got in my car, piled it full of my kids and a camera... and started driving.  We wound up on a trail we don't often go to... as we were walking the light started pouring in through the trees.  The big giant magic light.  You know, the kind that stops you in your tracks.  Except as I was showing the kids the light, taking photos of them, of the light... my mind was blown at how many people didn't even look at it.  Couldn't see it.  Don't see it.  Just walk right by it?  It always blows my mind.  They shouldn't see it really, perhaps they're not obsessed with light.  I love good light.  Spectacular light.  Irresistible light.  Then I started thinking... I can see it.  I do see it.  Therefor... I should keep catching it.  Or at least try.  And just like that, the spell was broken.  The creative low, the block... gone {for now}.  Subsequently I ended up spontaneously photographing the kids again tonight in one of my favourite places {photos shown here}.  15 minutes in the light, with my babies and I'm a happy girl.  

I guess all I'm saying is, when the creative juices seem to dry up... when the well appears to be empty.  It is time to fill it up.  It is not anyones job to fill it up for you.  It's up to you.  You can't feed yourself unless you go out and look for food, search for it.  Go get it.  That might mean shutting down for a day or two (or week or two)  but if you trust the process you're going to get hungry, and when you get hungry... you get out and get some food.  Just go get it.  Find it.  Just pick up your tools and go out in search of beauty... I'm positive you will wind up finding it.  Or if you are actively seeking, chances are it will find you.    

When we got married

I was never really the girl who thought about my wedding, or dreamt of being a bride.  I never daydreamed about a wedding.  But I was always daydreaming about love.  Bryce and I were together in high school.  We were always a bit like magnets.  Drawn together and then pulled apart by the lives we were leading.  I was travelling on cruise ships as a photographer and he was chasing his hockey dreams all over the states and Germany playing professional hockey.  We reunited finally in 2007 back in Campbell River, I had written in my journal months before we reconnected... "I will remember his name, the way his hands feel in mine.  It will be easy,  effortless."  A few years of being together I flipped open the page of my journal to that very writing.  I did remember his name, his hands.  It was him.  Easy,  not a struggle.  One sweet pup and 2 beautiful kids later  {it felt right to tie us all together in a wedding ceremony.} My 89 year old Grandma told us she wanted us to get married so she could see it!  No one argues with Grannie Goodheart. We set a date on September 20 2014.

What was important to us about our wedding?  That it was small and as intimate as possible.  I love my extended family dearly and hoped they would forgive me for not inviting the whole clan.  We wanted it to feel like we had called over our closest friends and people for a dinner party, but way more beautiful.  They would be the ones that had been there time and time again for us, with us... in our moments.  It wasn't about anyone else for us, it was just about our little family.  It had to be small.  It was 38 people.  Perfect.  Other important factors.... For me, the photos.  Obviously.  I had followed Melia of Lucida Photography for years and was always taken with her elegant and lovely images.  No fuss, no extra stuff, no fancy lighting or doing weird things.... just beautiful photos.  It had to be her.  I didn't really even consider anyone else.  No joke.  Location.  Bryce and I both are lovers of the sea, Bryce didn't really make a fuss about much about the wedding, however... he was adamant it would be on the ocean and that the food would be amazing.  For me, I am a collector of treasures.  I started collecting over a year in advance.  Copper.  Lots of copper and tarnished silver things.  Put that all together and we found ourselves at Dolphins Resort in Campbell River under the {then} patient, loving care of Carmen and Joe (who are now at Gowlland Harbour being just as awesome).  Being in the business of weddings really made my choices pretty effortless.  I knew I would collect things I loved,  spray paint things, beg Shannon to do all sorts of crazy craft art experiments and if I choked on the day of the wedding Carmen and THE AMAZING florist/designer Karen of Petal and Kettle would make sure it all look brilliant and everything would be ok.  And, that is exactly what happened.  

In hindsight, my favourite things are all tied to moments.  Which I love.

I had seen the lovely Elizabeth Messina for her wedding had covered chocolate bars with her photographs.  I thought it was insanely beautiful. I wanted to do something similar but different.  I realized that I had basically photographed every single person at our wedding.  So, I decided to set their places with a photograph I had taken of them wrapped around their Lindt sea salt (yes please) chocolate bar.  One of my favourite moments was walking into the elegant and perfectly candle-lit space and seeing everyones reactions to seeing their photos at the table.  (I just burst into tears remembering it)  There were people who had tears in their eyes, held their hand to their heart... it was just so special for me.  I wanted to say... I love you, thank you for being here... without words... with images. One of my highlights. For sure.

Another favourite moment... My sister in law {Orsi} is an amazing singer (among many other talents) and months before the wedding I had asked her if she would sing a song for my dad to walk Maisie and I down the isle to.  She nervously wracked her brain for months, trying out countless songs.  She wasn't sold on any of them and none of them felt right.  I had no idea either, I didn't want something that I had heard before.  The night before the wedding I was sitting in our cabin with our kids tucked in bed, with my sister and another friend.... Orsi called "can I come over I have a song I want you to hear." She could have just told me over the phone, or texted but she drove over and in the dimly lit cabin she walked in with her guitar.  She sat down with her brave and courageous heart and started singing.... and I had big beautiful cheeks rolling down my cheeks the entire time.  It was absolutely magical and perfect.  So authentic, brilliant and the best possible choice.

“Oh yeah I tell you somethin’
I think you’ll understand
When I say that somethin’
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand
I want to hold your hand

Oh please say to me
You’ll let me be your man
And please say to me
You’ll let me hold your hand
Now, let me hold your hand
I want to hold your hand”

So many moments.... staring into the eyes of my handsome man and our beautiful children as we said our vows on the beach before the sea, my hairdresser and amazing human Megan saying to me.. "sit here.  this is what you are supposed to be doing.  Just sit right here."  She was doing a great job of "handling" me.  Heather giving me a custom hand made doll that is special, thoughtful and so AWESOME.  Carmen bribing Eduardo with rum to raid all the cabins for cool chairs, Shannon bringing to life (and rescuing) ALL of my wild ideas and just before the ceremony... texting me photos of the flattened spoons she was hand engraving with everyones names for the place settings "what do you think? look ok???" They looked amazing OF COURSE.  Maisie smearing black eye shadow all over the beautiful white bed spread just before getting her dress on.  One of my amazing wedding clients sending me champagne with the words "Wishing you.... all the beauty today that you gave us." which was the only thing that made me burst into tears that day.  Looking around at the sea of beautiful faces of all of the people who truly just have our backs.  Orca families happily swimming by as I was having my makeup done... as if on cue.  Possibly the best though... was Maisie announced "I do" and "he does" during the ceremony and then later gave an amazing and totally unprompted and unexpected speech to the whole crowd.  It was amazing and perfect as she shouted "TO ERIN AND BRYCE"...  I can't even think about it without having the hugest smile on my face.  Elliot being a super wild man... running laps on the beach with his "handler" chasing him around {Thank you Risa}.  Having an impromptu "tea party" with Grannie Goodheart.  Bryce's "last man standing" trophy.  Wearing the cameo my grandpa had commissioned for my Grandma in WW2 in Italy.  My sisters speech.... "don't be a dick"and "who's a dick now".  Of course standing on the top of a mountain overlooking Sutil channel, Reid, Cortes, Qudra and Vancouver Island was pretty freaking memorable.  {not to mention being transported there by one of the coolest chicks ever.  Krista Houston of Grizzly Helicopters. UNREAL.  Skip the wedding, go for the helicopter photos.  Highly recommend!!!  I just am feeling the love and what a better time to share our wedding photos, than a year later. ox  {Ps. I know there are too many photos. I just couldn't choose.  Forgive me. ox}

• Photography all by: Lucida Photography
• Venue: Dolphins Resort
• Event co-ordinating: Carmen Amberson-Volk
• Catering: Joe Volk at Dolphins Resort
• Flowers and event decor: Petal and Kettle 
• Hair: Megan Hairpins
• Makeup: Ali Indira Esthetics
• All things in print: Shannon Lim
• Table rentals: All in One Party Shop
• All decor is mine, believe it or not. ha!
• Kids necklaces Pyrrah
• Our wedding was featured in Wedding Bells Magazine see the feature HERE and in the current issue of Weddingbells.

All photos in this post were taken by Lucida Photography

Maui Family-Moon

Our chosen honey moon was a "family-moon" in Maui, with grandparents.  

If you've travelled at all with kids, you know it's very possible that you will be "those parents" on the plane with the wild kids.  Maisie was a dream, Elliot... Elliot turned us into "those people" on a few occasions.  He was WILD.  (in his defence also only 1.5 years old and fully supposed to be nuts)  The most wild.  Hilarious, wild, running, yelling, WILD baby.  I'm pretty sure the title of this post could very well be "Chasing Elliot"  because that is all any of us really did... however, it was awesome.  Maisie was in her swimming pool loving glory, convincing someone to always go to the pool with her.  We had mini adventures and even a couple nights with just Bryce and I.  All in all pretty freaking great.  Without my parents, impossible!  (or possible but FAR less enjoyable) Thank you mom and dad for joining us on our family-moon!!!  The thing about Maui that I'm addicted to is the sunsets.  The sunsets alone are worth everything to me.  That light, is just something so magical.  To walk out after dinner, into a serious warm and magical paradise?  What is not to love???  To feel that warm breeze, be swallowed up in those orangey, reddy, purplish, golden sunsets.... I'm in.  All day long.  My dear friend Lucy used to always say "lets sit somewhere with good food, company... fresh air and a fabulous view" and, our family vacation in Maui was all of those things.  Sweet memories with our kids and my parents.  Doesn't get much better.  Lucky.  xo  

Let your life be a painting

Dear Maisie, 

I feel the need to tell you, in writing... that you are magic.  On Christmas morning I read you "Have You Filled a Bucket Today.  A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids." It's a very sweet book that is so great.  In it, it explains that everyone in the world has an invisible bucket.  Throughout the day that bucket can be filled or emptied.  When your bucket is full, you are happy.  A bucket full of happiness.  If your bucket is empty... not so happy.  We talked about it, read it.  You loved it.  You whispered to me "Let's try it out on daddy."   Then looked at your dad and said "you're a good and handsome daddy."  He smiled big and said "aw, why thank you sweetheart."  
"Mom!  It worked"  You said proudly.  My heart was instantly happier.

A few hours later we were at your grandma and papas.  Great Grannie Goodheart was there too.  88 years young.  Everyone was chatting away, checking out presents and out of nowhere you whisper to me "watch this mom.  I'm going to fill up Great Grandmas bucket."  

"Great Grandma you have a sweet heart."  

Big smile from her, big smile from you.  My own heart melted.   

You can do many things with your life Maisie.  You will likely possess many qualities.  You could be strong willed, passionate, independent, smart, wise, charming, sassy, talented or wild.  But the one thing I will always feel most proud of is when you are kind.  When your soul shines with love and compassion.  Nothing makes me feel better, makes my bucket more full.  Your soul is shiny Maisie.  Sparkly.  May you carry on filling buckets wherever you go.  Making magic, spreading yours.  It is your life my darling girls.  You choose what your life will be.  You can make your life the most magnificent painting you can imagine.  Today you asked me to wear your "wedding dress" from our wedding.  We made these photos in about 10 minutes in our kitchen, with love.

So much love, 

oxox mom

“When I say be creative I don't mean that you should all go and become great painters and great poets. I simply mean let your life be a painting, let your life be a poem.” ~Osho

And then she was 4.

Dear Maisie, 

On Saturday you turn four.

Sometimes I wonder how I am, as a parent.  If I'm good.  If I'm teaching you enough, sharing enough, loving enough.  And then, as though on cue you'll say "this is the best day ever mom".  or "I love my family" or "I have a lot of love for Avery" (your bff) and my soul feels full.  You see, I hope that the most beautiful gift we will ever be able to give you is a good attitude.  A positive outlook.  The ability to choose to see beauty when all signs may point to yucky.  When I see you dance around in the sunlight, run around in scooby doo boy "panties" and gumboots, hug your dad unprompted and say "you are the best dad ever", or kiss your baby brother on the head... it makes me smile.  You are wild, free, loving and kind.  You have your moments.  The meltdowns.  We have our moments, our power struggles.  But, I can see you shine.  I can see that you know that every day really is the best day ever or at least could be.  I see that, and know that your life will be filled with love and adventure.  Four years in this life Maisie.  Four lucky, fabulous years.  What a marvel you are.  You are joy.  You are miraculous, miles from ordinary.  I hope you always are able to see the potential for the best day, in every day.  I love you sweet girl, 

Happy fourth birthday, 

xoox  Love mom.