Dear Maisie lu, It's been a while since I've written but believe me... I've thought about it daily. I can barely find the words even now. I sit here typing away and you are on the couch eating yoghurt. Your brother (you have a 6 week old baby brother) is napping in his room (your old room) and I can't believe that we have known your sweet face for three years.
Three years ago I had no idea what you would look like, what I'd feel like, who you'd be. We made it through the sleepless nights, made it through you learning to crawl, walk, talk. You stole our hearts over and over, and continue to daily. You've taught us patience, perseverance, and what it is to love. You taught your dad and I to love each other more, to slow down and love moments more. You taught us that even though things can get rough in the middle of the night with crying and diapers and exhaustion... the sun comes up in the morning. You smile, you hug, you love and you carry on. You taught me that I can do everything by the book... everything right... and still get it wrong. But, that it doesn't really matter in the end. You taught us to put our heart and soul into raising you and cross our fingers and hope for the best. Three years ago our world was forever more beautiful, more alive, more vibrant, more heartbreakingly joyous, and more incredibly terrifying. Three years ago today I was pacing around Vancouver Island cursing STILL being pregnant... you were worth waiting for my girl.
Your little voice "mommy you are a great best friend" "I love you too mommy, you take good care of me!" "Ok dad I 'frinkle' pixie dust on you and you can fly downstairs" or "daddy I pooped a snake"... the sound of your ongoing commentary with your toys, your "guys" as you line toys up all over the house. Finding princess stickers on my pants in public, you hiding behind my legs when you are unsure, watching you draw arms straight out of your drawings head, seeing you be kind and loving to your new baby brother... all unexpected joys. All treasures.
I had no idea how you would be with a new baby in the house. We prepped you, constantly... You knew he was coming. I lay in the hospital bed just like I told you I would be, holding a new baby... I could see you through the door searching for us.. grandma "Ramma" holding your hand. You looked excited, nervous, adorable... I called your name... I had just given birth to a 10 pound 8 oz baby... needless to say, I was a bit of a hot mess... wearing a $10 nightie from Winners and looking wildly dishevelled. You jumped over to me, hugged me, inspected me and said "ooooh pretty dress mommy." My heart burst. You. My first baby meeting our new baby... sitting there with your dad, inspecting this new creation. So sweet. So, so sweet. You continue to melt me with "I love him mommy, I love baby Ewiott, he's soooo cute" you want to read to him all the time, you want to "snuggle" with him, and kiss his little face. It's definitely true that when you welcome a new baby into your family, your first baby seems incredibly big... and seems to grow up overnight. Your hair seems longer, your mind sharper, you grew out of all of your shoes??!! (overnight??) and you are ALWAYS making us smile with the wild things you say, what treasures are swimming inside your head.
Last week we finally moved you into your new room (which has been ready for months) it was heartbreaking for me to see you so excited and courageously ready to face your new big girl bed. In the morning when I went in to check on you... you popped up and proudly announced "I did it mommy!". Heart wrenchingly sweet. These are the moments Maisie, these are the sweet, subtle moments in life that can dance around your heart if you let them. They can wash away fear, pain and negativity. They can heal a broken heart. These moments are what makes life so terribly beautiful. I love you so much my sweet girl, I hope your heart is always full of beautiful moments and sweetness. Love you, mom ox