Thoughts on sleepless nights
One thing became crystal clear to me today in regards to the newborn/infant stages of our little girls life.
This will all be a beautiful memory one day. Just as my pregnancy is now. Just as the delivery is now. Just as her first week is now. Just as her first month is now. Life moves on, with or without you. You don’t stay in a moment. Good or bad. You move along. Looking back along the way, over your shoulder… watching your life as you choose to remember it. If you are able to hold onto that thought in any moment… it becomes sweeter. More poignant. More precious. Everything is more precious when you realize how impermanent it really is.
I jokingly wrote to a seasoned momma Crystal “I’m hoping this newborn-no sleep thing doesn’t last forever, and that the crazy tiredness will eventually be a memory!?!!! (if it is not so, please lie to me and tell me a full nights sleep is somewhere in my future!!!!!)”
She wrote something that touched me so sweetly, she said “Don’t sweat it, it will come, and then you too, will have the precious memories of the sun rising while your sweet bundle finally crashes, hands relaxed, breathing even and bottom lip moving rhythmically while she still nurses in her dreams. The times when you forget how tired or frustrated you are and revel in the magic.
Enjoy, Erin, and remember you aren’t necessarily missing out by not having that perfect sleeper of a baby.”
It got me. In 2 months, a year, ten years… I will remember this time in our lives, as Crystal does and miss it. Likely miss it more than I know how to control. When Maisie starts to walk, when she is dressing herself, or when she no longer wants to cuddle with me. I’ll remember when I used to rock her to sleep in the middle of the night with her swaddled up tightly in my arms, kissing her perfect little face over and over. We’ve all heard it a million times, especially with kids. “It goes so fast”. I know this. I am all “live in the moment” but, I wasn’t really. I mean, I was living in ‘moments’… mainly good ones, but not all of them. Today I tried to consciously live in all of them.
I’m grateful that I’ve had this awakening now… and not regretfully in five years, wondering where all the time has all gone. I’ll likely have moments, hours, days, where I forget… but hopefully I’ll be able to soak it all along the way (and thankfully I’ll have a little help from countless photographs as well).
Here are two of my favorites of our little girl over the past few weeks.
Tags: baby photography, baby photos, baby portrait, Erin Wallis Photography
May 18th, 2010 at 8:27 am
well that made me cry … I really can’t seem to find the right words to say how I feel …. enjoy every second spent with Maisie because Erin, you will miss those times …. well guess what … that made me cry again … I’m a silly old “Ma” who loves her children dearly and with all my heart xo
May 18th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
that made my morning..thanks
May 18th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
I hear you Erin! I’m going through this with Taylor right now. To me he is growing up so quickly. I love all the newness that comes with each day he discovers something he didn’t know the day before. But how I miss the little bundle curled up in my arms. You know I love reading your blog, but now because I can relate to You and Miss Maisie’s adventures I know I’m going to love reading it even more.
Hugs to you gals. See you soon
May 19th, 2010 at 5:41 am
I had these exact thoughts when my mom thought maybe I shouldn’t bring Aaron into bed with me when he wouldn’t nap in his crib…. I said…..You know mom; he is upset and I LIKE cuddling with him! lol and I know there will come a day when he won’t want to, and a day when I won’t be the centre of his universe. :S
But today, I am so I will cuddle!!
She had no argument!
Thanks for your amazing blogs!
May 19th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Erin, I love your words, your thoughts, and emotion you put into your blog! something always gets me when I read your posts! It is very true that you will miss your tired days because all of the little good moments somewhat erase the not so plesant ones. Sapiness aside, you still will remember the tantrums they throw when they get older! haha!
lots of luv
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Erin she is just so perfect !!
May 29th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Erin,
I just wanted to tell you just how wonderful your posts are…so REAL, such a way with words. You have some amazing talent not only with your photography. When Peter and Lindsay were here visiting, Lindsay pulled up your blog and left it for me to read “mother’s day”one. Of course I was tearing most of the read…but it was so beautiful I found myself looking for it again tonight..now, I have read your “thoughts on sleepless nights” your words were such perfect reminders, for me as I look at my 4th child ( 1year yesterday) and wonder why he does not sleep like the other 3 did…however, now that I read your reminders…I have decided instead of being frustrated, I can just enjoy the moment, maybe this is our “forever special bonding”…because I know all to well how fast this time goes by…My oldest child almost 15 and becoming more manly each day : (
Thanks for your honesty and beautiful words, I hope to be able to share this last entry of yours with a few of my “NEW mom” friends that are having trouble with their “sleepless nights”
Take care,
Holly Beattie : AKA…Pearson’s GREAT auntie : )