They say that when your newborn baby sleeps, her mommy should sleep too.
Is there anyone that can actually accomplish this? I certainly can not. Possibly because there are a million things to do, and a million thoughts to think, and the possibility of a shower, and lunch, and trying to keep up with my business, many baby photos opps and of course... a blog that needs some tlc also, keeps me wide awake.
2 weeks ago Maisie entered the world. We did it together. All 9 pounds 13 ounces of her. Along with a rather determined momma (me) a wonderfully protective and strong daddy (Bryce), a rockstar midwife (Sheila), and a supportive cheerleader at my left side (Nurse Chris)... not to mention the wonderful Nurse Jamie who came on after Chris. It was the most profound experience of my life.
10 months of growing, and obsessing and praying, and growing more, and hormones and emotional roller coasters, and fears and worries, and eating 8 oranges a day, or having 3 baths a day because that is the only place you feel good. Of already sleepless nights due to a bladder the size of a squished snow pea. 10 months of feeling like I may be pregnant for my entire life. Of travelling down a road that you thought might be rewarding, but you had no concrete evidence of the eventual pay off.
9am on my moms birthday April 5. I am exactly one week over due. I begin to have gas pains, that are 2 minutes apart and 30 seconds long. Weird. 10am... still there... text Bryce, you should come home from Courtenay. I'm calling Sheila. 11am... I'm in our midwife office. "We're having this baby today" she tells me. I'm looking at her like she might be lying. 11:30-2pm I'm on a exercise ball in our living room. Breathing through contractions as they become more intense, and are lasting longer. 2pm We're checking in at the hospital. Sheila meets us there. 2-5pm Mainly spent in the shower, on a ball, the occasional sip of gatorade, Bryce spraying my back with the hot shower. I'm not talking to anyone. Except strangely to crack the occasional joke. Someone is taking photos "This can't be good" I think. With each contraction, I'm focused on an image of Bryce holding our little girl in his arms, the sound of her crying when she comes out, the look on Bryce's face when he sees her, Sheila putting her on my belly, I'm focused on the finish line. I'm distracting myself from the pain. Occasionally I well up with tears during a contraction when I'm thinking about Bryce with our little girl. I'm determined. 5pm I'm out of the shower, I'm making my way to the bed. We're supposed to be at my parents for dinner at 6:00. Something tells me we won't make it. No one knows we are at the hospital. Suddenly things become way more intense. "I might be sick" I tell Sheila. "Good girl" she tells me. I'm in the transition phase. "Maybe I need an epidural" I tell Sheila. She looks at me carefully as though trying to delicately say, "girl we don't have time for an epidural" Little did I know I was an hour and a half away from holding our little girl. They give me some gas instead. Nurse Chris tells me gas is a little like tequila. I am instantly on board. I don't think its doing anything, yet I'm breathing through contractions now, and not pushing anymore. Sheila and Chris say I'm getting lazy, and take away the gas. 5:30 Sheila breaks my water, and simultaneously I'm pushing. "Will it be soon?" Sheila smiles. 5:30-7:15 The pushing. 7:15 All of my visions through out my labor come true. Sheila puts Maisie on my belly. Maisie cries, everyone cries. I can't believe it is over. I can't believe she is here. Later seeing her in Bryce's arms. My whole world feels more alive and vibrant than I've ever known. I am more in the moment than I've ever been. I am in awe.
Fast forward 2 weeks. Me, sitting on the couch beside Frank. Maisie sleeping soundly in her swing. Rain falling gently outside. My whole world so much different than before.
The nights are still sleepless, but different now. Now, I'm not just clumsily stumbling to the bathroom. I'm fumbling for the light, to feed this little life. I'm still eating millions of oranges and in the bath a lot, but now all under the watchful eye of Maisie Lu. I'm still questioning everything, I'm a first time mom. The questions are endless. But, It feels good. I am grateful. I feel blessed beyond words, even with my stretch marks. They are my badges of honor. My reminder that I've been a part of something miraculous. I feel more love, and more fear than I'll ever know what to do with. But its good. We're good. Sure, a little tired but full of love. Not to mention still swarmed with hormones on my part. Oops I'm crying, woah I'm irritated, yikes I'm happy...oh boy, more tears.... but its my journey. Our journey together as a family. And to me, its damn near perfection even with all of its wild imperfections.
Be gentle on me with the lack of blogging. I'm doing my best around here. Thanks for the love.
Miss Maisie 2 weeks old.