Erin Wallis Photography Blog

Mike Tyson said,
“Everyone has a plan ’till they get punched in the mouth.”

I can’t tell you how much I love that quote! Isn’t it true!!! The plan with a newborn baby is to gently help that little baby get more sleep at night and in turn you will get more sleep and everyone who lives in your housewill be much, MUCH happier. I wrote on sleepless nights here when Maisie was a newborn, and the first few months with Elliot at home I read it quite a few times in the middle of the night to remind myself that this too shall pass. I snuggled more, I was less frantic than I was with Maisie. I had some moments of being really hard on myself and then eventually we found a rhythm and routine that worked for us. (Those who know me well are smiling as they know that I am a white noise junkie… like seriously you walk past Elliots room and you wonder how a 3 month old can actually be vacuuming. He sleeps in a swing, often. We just do our own thing. He’s been doing really well, even occasionally giving me very good nights {and still a few not so good ones} however, it is manageable and life goes on.

Last night Elliot slept from 7pm until 5:30 am. (with a daddy dream feed at 10) A victory… or… until our girl Maisie was up literally ALL NIGHT with bad dreams about bugs and spiders. This is the second night in a row with the bugs and spider web hysteria. Being tired does something unkind to us all. I was so irritated that she was up, disturbing the whole house, I tried everything from 2am-5am… “bug spray”, different night lights, turning lights on showing her no bugs, I let our dog Frank come in bed and guard her from the bugs, a new doll was brought to bed, each time I would calm her down only to have her come unglued again a few minutes later. Finally, I caved and crawled into bed with her… every time she had a bug freak out… I was right there to gently let her know there were no bugs, and everyone was safe and sound. At 2am I was so mad. Irritated. Wanted to loose my marbles. {Don’t tell me as a parent you don’t know what I’m talking about} Then… I started to think about life… and how being present and enjoying moments in life isn’t actually just about the well rested awake moments during the day. She is my little girl. She is driving me wild with the bug talk but… everyone is ok. We are ok. It’s just nightmares and if those are our biggest problems right now… then we are blessed. So, I rolled with it and called on the strength of a million tired mommas everywhere. I snuggled that little sweetie and guided her to a sleep full of strawberries, and sunshine and rainbows and happy safe thoughts. I woke up seriously tired from my one hour of sleep at 5:30 to get Elliot back to sleep… but I felt good about my night. Even though it was rough. I felt like I had caught myself in a lesson. Life was giving me a little punch in the face, messing with my plan. But, I made a choice at 2am, to be a better mom. The freedom to choose our actions is probably the most beautiful gift we have.
On suggestion of a pal this morning… we may end up ‘exterminating’ her imaginary bugs today… in hopes of a more peaceful night. It may get worse, it may get better but these are the moments in our lives. There is no finish line. If every single thing that happens in every moment is there to teach us something… to show us something… I just hope I can be as open and receptive as possible to ‘get’ the lessons as they come.
The plan was to get the newborn to sleep… I had no idea that when that happened, the 3 year old would be not sleeping. Right hook. Got it.
I wish you peaceful nights without bugs or spider webs.
We are all, a work in progress. No one is exempt.

My babies. Elliot and Maisie.
They’re killing me with cute and sweet.
I mean, how much can you possibly kiss two small people. I do it constantly. I can’t help it. And, I smell them… their little heads, all day long. They smell like something divine to me, something so terribly familiar. They smell like perfection. Is that weird? I don’t care. I just can’t seem to soak them in as much as I feel like I should, or I want to. I’m a sucker for beautiful moments… and a childhood, if done properly, is full of them.

I love the way she pretends she’s not listening and then she repeats something I’ve said a few minutes later. I love the way he can be crying hysterically… then you start baby talking to him or singing…. and he immediately stops crying and flashes the biggest, best grin. I love the way they are mine. Ours.
I love that Maisie says we are “best friends together” and then she adds “and daddy and baby Elliot and Frankie too”. I love her belly laugh. I love his chubby legs, and his perfect cheeks.

Her preschool tea party was today and besides crying the entire time, because of sweetness overload… I just couldn’t stop thinking about memories and that every moment is a memory in the making. How do you soak it all in though? How is it possible? I have constant conversations with other moms about soaking in moments… and how we race around doing ‘things’ and suddenly think… “I’m missing moments” and then stop and soak in some sweetness. We do what we can. As present as we try to be it is difficult, or tricky to balance it all. Mainly because if we stop doing things… no one would eat anything but take out pizza, as there wouldn’t be groceries… everyone would be covered in dirty clothes and not smell quite as sweet. You just do your best. You do your best to live as presently with these sweet, precious beings as possible and you try and feed them well, and teach them good values and lessons and inspire them to be amazing. You try and share a love of adventure, art and books. You try and show them that anything is possible. You just keep pushing yourself to be a better parent, and you try and figure it all out as you go. There are no rules on how to raise a small person really. But, we are all our own worst critics and I think thats a good thing to a certain extent… but, there comes a time when you just have to sit back, take a deep breath and watch these babies turn into people. Let go of their little hand so they can run to their classmates to sing their rainbow song. Watch as they can stand up on the stage bravely… looking out onto a sea of people and sing their little hearts out. They look out into the crowd… until they find your face.

I’m often reminded of a quote I heard at an amazing wedding, the brides father was talking about raising children so eloquently and said it was all about giving your children “roots and wings”. It’s a quote from Hodding Carter… “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”
If they have good roots.. they’ll be sure to always come back. I know I did.
ox

I’m still here.
Just soaking in these precious marvels.
They both must be sick of me kissing their little faces.
But I just can’t stop.
My babies. My little treasures.
I’ll be back shooting soon… but for now…
kissing my babies.
oxxo

Want to know more? I’m an instagram addict… you can find me HERE.

In keeping with tradition, you may recall Maisie touching the sea before she touched the earth…. It was only fair, that Elliot be awarded the same joy.

Teeny toes, baby feet.
So soft, delicate, perfect.
They had never touched the ground.
The first contact with the ocean first and land.
Documented. Shared. Beautiful.

I’ve always favored the sea. Loved the smell, the depth, the movement. Have lived close to, or lived on it. It only seemed right, that Elliot should touch the sea before he touched the earth.

Dear Maisie lu,
It’s been a while since I’ve written but believe me… I’ve thought about it daily. I can barely find the words even now.
I sit here typing away and you are on the couch eating yoghurt. Your brother (you have a 6 week old baby brother) is napping in his room (your old room) and I can’t believe that we have known your sweet face for three years.

Three years ago I had no idea what you would look like, what I’d feel like, who you’d be. We made it through the sleepless nights, made it through you learning to crawl, walk, talk. You stole our hearts over and over, and continue to daily. You’ve taught us patience, perseverance, and what it is to love. You taught your dad and I to love each other more, to slow down and love moments more. You taught us that even though things can get rough in the middle of the night with crying and diapers and exhaustion… the sun comes up in the morning. You smile, you hug, you love and you carry on. You taught me that I can do everything by the book… everything right… and still get it wrong. But, that it doesn’t really matter in the end. You taught us to put our heart and soul into raising you and cross our fingers and hope for the best. Three years ago our world was forever more beautiful, more alive, more vibrant, more heartbreakingly joyous, and more incredibly terrifying. Three years ago today I was pacing around Vancouver Island cursing STILL being pregnant… you were worth waiting for my girl.

Your little voice “mommy you are a great best friend” “I love you too mommy, you take good care of me!” “Ok dad I ‘frinkle’ pixie dust on you and you can fly downstairs” or “daddy I pooped a snake”… the sound of your ongoing commentary with your toys, your “guys” as you line toys up all over the house. Finding princess stickers on my pants in public, you hiding behind my legs when you are unsure, watching you draw arms straight out of your drawings head, seeing you be kind and loving to your new baby brother… all unexpected joys. All treasures.

I had no idea how you would be with a new baby in the house. We prepped you, constantly… You knew he was coming. I lay in the hospital bed just like I told you I would be, holding a new baby… I could see you through the door searching for us.. grandma “Ramma” holding your hand. You looked excited, nervous, adorable… I called your name… I had just given birth to a 10 pound 8 oz baby… needless to say, I was a bit of a hot mess… wearing a $10 nightie from Winners and looking wildly dishevelled. You jumped over to me, hugged me, inspected me and said “ooooh pretty dress mommy.” My heart burst. You. My first baby meeting our new baby… sitting there with your dad, inspecting this new creation. So sweet. So, so sweet. You continue to melt me with “I love him mommy, I love baby Ewiott, he’s soooo cute” you want to read to him all the time, you want to “snuggle” with him, and kiss his little face. It’s definitely true that when you welcome a new baby into your family, your first baby seems incredibly big… and seems to grow up overnight. Your hair seems longer, your mind sharper, you grew out of all of your shoes??!! (overnight??) and you are ALWAYS making us smile with the wild things you say, what treasures are swimming inside your head.

Last week we finally moved you into your new room (which has been ready for months) it was heartbreaking for me to see you so excited and courageously ready to face your new big girl bed. In the morning when I went in to check on you… you popped up and proudly announced “I did it mommy!”. Heart wrenchingly sweet.
These are the moments Maisie, these are the sweet, subtle moments in life that can dance around your heart if you let them. They can wash away fear, pain and negativity. They can heal a broken heart. These moments are what makes life so terribly beautiful.
I love you so much my sweet girl, I hope your heart is always full of beautiful moments and sweetness.
Love you,
mom ox